Today, I had the privilege of watching the charming film "Storks"! The movie was released into theaters on Friday, September 23rd, directed by Nicholas Stoller and Doug Sweetland, and according to Fandango.com, it currently has a 4.5 rating and 62% rotten tomatoes. The central plot focuses on an ambitious stork named Junior (voiced by Andy Samberg) and a quirky eighteen-year-old named Tulip (voiced by Katie Crown) embarking on an adventure to make a very special delivery. There is also a sub-plot of a young boy named Nate Gardner (voiced by Anton Starkman) eagerly anticipating the delivery of his baby brother, despite the indifference towards having another child by his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Gardner (voiced by Ty Burrell and Jennifer Aniston).
In my honest opinion, this was a cute family movie that made me feel light-hearted! The voice acting was spot-on, the characters were interesting, and the plot never failed to include nuggets of comic relief. It was quite touching to see Mr. and Mrs. Gardner give up time to make cherished memories with Nate, when they could have (and would normally have) used that time to work. Perhaps, my favorite segment of the whole film was towards the end, when Junior (the stork I mentioned in the first paragraph), in order to divert attention off of him, causes the baby-producing machine to create "millions" of babies! This movie was almost as adorable as the babies depicted in it. If I were to give it a rating, it would be between a 4 and a 4.5, - very well-made and enjoyable!
Charming as this film was, there was a personal downside to watching it, for me. It got me thinking about my own infertility. The thought that I will never be able to make a baby myself crept into my head as I watched this. "Too bad the storks will never answer my letter," I thought to myself. I felt uncomfortably selfish as I thought that, but I couldn't help it. I understand that I am only eighteen years old, that I have more important things to consider than having children at the moment, and that I don't need to be concerned with becoming pregnant at this point in time. However, those facts to not disqualify me from experiencing emotional turmoil due to my infertility. They do not disqualify me from feeling like a bag of broken parts, like a failure as a woman, or that I have let my parents and my future husband down. Yes, those are real thoughts that cross my mind at times. I realize that I have no reason to think such things, and that my intrinsic worth as a human is not related to my ability to reproduce, but I can't help but think otherwise.
Unfortunately, reproduction is not as simple as mailing a letter to a network of birds, and having a baby delivered to your front door shortly after. For many people, it's a long, arduous process. For myself, and many people like me, it is a far-fetched, practically unobtainable dream. So, I would like to share my infertility story with those of you reading this, in hopes that my infertile readers will be reassured that they are not alone in their struggle to make offspring, and that those of you reading this who are fertile may realize how truly blessed you are, and want to hug your children a little tighter. If you are male, and you are uncomfortable with the mention of a female's menstrual cycle (period), you may want to skip the next paragraph. 😂
My menarche (a female's first period) occurred I was twelve years old. But, as I charted my menstrual cycle, my parents and I found that it was troublesomely irregular. I would be lucky to have 2 or 3 periods a year. My mother scheduled several appointments with the obstetrician gynecologist; they could not, for the life of them, figure out what was wrong with me. Initially, they suggested prescribing me birth control pills, to determine if they would help me ovulate regularly. As I was only thirteen years old at the time, my mother was not comfortable with that idea. So, she kept scheduling more appointments with various doctors at various offices. Physical after physical, blood test after blood test, sonogram after sonogram, and so on. Finally, my endocrinologist suggested doing an examination known as a "chromosome study" on my DNA.
I remember, quite vividly, the night my parents discussed the results of the chromosome study with me. We were eating Little Caesar's pizza at the dinner table when my mom pulled out the results. She told me their consensus; I was diagnosed with a chromosomal disorder called Turner's Syndrome (you can learn about it here). Turner's Syndrome is typically something diagnosed shortly after birth (or in some cases, while still in the womb), but no one suspected that I had the disorder, because I exhibited no physical symptoms of it. My symptoms were internal, including a horseshoe kidney and infertility. I had no qualms about a genetic disorder, - the real pain came with the infertility aspect of it. Before then, I suppose I took it for granted that I would have children of my own some day. And all of a sudden, it turned out that I couldn't. I recall crying myself to sleep that night, and not feeling like myself the next day.
When I visited my doctors at Nemours Children's Clinic, they made it quite clear that I would not be able to reproduce. They told me that pregnancy could be potentially life-threatening for myself, and for my unborn child (yes, the endocrinologist called it a "child" as he was explaining this to me!). I was devastated, and borderline depressed, about this news for a good while. It required a great deal of time, patience, and prayer on my part to overcome the state of despair it caused me. Nonetheless, I did overcome it, not my by own power, but by God's, and by the love and support of my family and close friends. While the odds are against me, I do believe that by God's grace, nothing is impossible. If He can give barren women in the Bible like Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth children, I see no reason why He couldn't do the same for me, if He wills it.
Frequently, I get told "you can always adopt". I know that people who say this mean well, and don't look to harm to anyone. Even before I discovered that I was infertile, I had planned on growing up and adopting one or two children, along with having one or two kids naturally. If you are a fertile individual reading this, I encourage you to keep in mind that many infertile people have, or are in the process of, exploring the adoption route. In addition, as beautiful and selfless as adoption is, it does not diminish or eradicate the pain one can experience from infertility. While it may not be your intention, when you make this comment (or one like it), you risk making your infertile friend feel as though you're nonchalantly minimizing and devaluing their pain. The best thing to do it just listen to your friend, and show that you do have compassion for them in their heart-breaking ordeal.
Furthermore, please understand that there is a difference between inadvertently offending someone with something you say, and outright insulting them. As I was discussing the abortion issue on a public Facebook forum one day, the issue of my infertility was brought up (for a reason I cannot recall). Later in that same thread, I was teased for it, and called a "barren wasteland". I didn't take the comment to heart, but I have genuine sympathy for someone so callous as to make such a remark. On another day, as I was shopping with my grandmother, the issue of my infertility, again, was mentioned. My grandmother said that I should consider my infertility a "good thing". Never, in my life, had I felt so outraged at something my dear grandmother said. It took everything I had to refrain from chewing her out right then and there in the store, - but I had to bear in mind that she didn't really know what she was saying. She, herself, had given birth to two healthy sons (one of which is my father); there was no way she could completely understand the impact of what she had just told me. So I had to cool off, and move on with my day.
That being said, if you have an infertile friend, don't be so insensitive as to make cold remarks about their infertility, like that person on Facebook. However, if you make a mistake, and inadvertently said something that may have hurt your friend, try to reconcile with her/him, and endeavor to be more sympathetic about their situation in the future.
Well, that wraps up the post! Let me know what you think of the movie, and feel free to share your story with infertility, in the Comments section. Until next time, God bless!
